I just don’t even know anymore. You’re REALLY that desperate for media attention? Yes, we’re sorry that you got blacklisted from E! for being an overzealous media (and otherwise) whore. But now you want to have eight chitlins’ runnin round your uterus for nine months? Don’t even THINK about posing for Playboy again after that. We don’t want any narsty scars. Us Weekly Reports:

Forget being the next Britney Spears! The Hills' Heidi Montag has a new celebrity aspiration.  "She said she wanted to be the next Octomom!" Hills star Audrina Patridge told Usmagazine.com at the Surfrider's 25th Anniversary Gala on Friday in L.A. "I was like, 'Heidi, no you don't!'"

The best is Audrina’s reaction to the whole thing. Probably the only sane voice she has around her. A good old “Heidi, just please. Shut the fuck up and finish your lo mein.”   I think if we treat her like a half-retarded child with epilepsy/diabetes, then we’ll get our best response: her not saying or doing anything anymore. Please, people, no more OMFG’s for her. She feeds on it. Like Megan Fox feeds on boys in that one ‘fictional movie’. 

Posted By: Markie

Source:  Us Weekly

Image: Popcrunch

Okay so these two entities are not “actual celebrities” (just like the cast of The Hills), but it has a few inside of them...(just like the cast of The Hills). So which movie is going to take home the honor of being the most awesomely bad C-side horror flick? I’ve personally taken the time, (and dragged people kicking and screaming) to witness both of these cinematic abortions. Let’s box!

Jennifer’s Body—PRO:  Megan Fox gets killed like 27 times and we get to see it happen.
Sorority Row—PRO:  We get to see Audrina Patridge get impaled by a tire iron.
Jennifer’s Body—CON:  It was marketed as science fiction, but we all know it’s a just a biography.
Sorority Row—PRO:  Carrie Fisher is pouring booz into her coffee in the movie. At least she can laugh at herself.
Jennifer’s Body—PRO:  Megan Fox’s awesome rockin tatties.
Sorority Row—CON:  Rumer Willis.
Jennifer’s Body—PRO:  Totally unnecessary lesbo scene between Megan Fox and Amanda Seyfried that seems to go on for eternity. Well played.
Sorority Row—PRO:  Some pretty creative death scenes that make up for the shitty script.
Jennifer’s Body—CON:  um...it’s about Megan Fox eating people.
Sorority Row—CON:  Rumer Willis.
Jennifer’s Body--PRO: Amanda Seyfried straddles Megan Fox holding a box cutter and says “You know what this is for?! It’s for CUTTING BOXES. Cross out Megan!”

Winner:  Jennifer’s Body. Though both movies were highly entertaining, I just couldn’t bear to look at the potato head for much longer. Made me want to bitch slap Demi Moore. How did THAT fall our of HER? I digress. You win this round, Megan Fox...(*glances around)...this round....

Posted By:  Markie

Images: Paramount/Bloody Disgusting

It’s happening. The Hills is crumbling apart like what’s left of Latoya Jackson’s face. Bring out the black veils, trumpets, and (so help me, God), if we don’t have at least three castrati orphans singing “Amazing Grace”, there will be Hell to pay. Fine I’ll admit it, I may or may not have a soft spot for The Hills...okay I love it, which is why I was single for about two years. It’s like one of those pop songs that you know is really terrible, and is making you dumber by enjoying it....and you don’t want anyone to let you know you like it (kind of like peanut butter-waffle sandwiches). That being said, Audrina was one of the original four skanks ladies on the show. I died a little inside when Lauren Conrad left. But Audrina? I mean really?!?!! This show is basically your only hope of remaining famous and you’re shitting all over it because you think this is a good idea? Let’s review her career a little:

*Moved to LA to become actress. Life fail. Spotted by producers in a parking lot because of her awesome rockin tits. BOOM:  Fame
*Tried to do side projects. First:  Into the Blue 2. Straight to DVD. Dumb bitch.
*Tried to sing. Life fail...and she works for Epic Records. I would have killed to see that audition.
*Becomes the face of Bombay Saphhire....which basically meant she had to stand there in a bikini, jump up and down, giggle and say “Oh, you!” to men as they hurled hot dogs at her.
*Sorority Row:  She gets murdered in the first ten minutes. She is SO bad that they had to kill her and mutilate her. And it probably required 83 takes for her to get “being a corpse” right.

Perez Reports straight from the source:

“'I'm almost done with The Hills. We’re in the middle of finishing these episodes, and I'll be leaving then,' as she revealed her plans to enter a life of obscurity. 'It feels like I'm graduating,' she added. 'I'm taking the next step and growing up and maturing and moving on in my life.'”

And by moving on, she means banging Brody Jenner in front of Jayde Nicole. No wait, that was last season. Please Please Please can we have a real life repeat with Audrina getting it too? 

Posted By: Markie

Image: Maxim

Source: Perez