Here’s Adam Lambert at the American Music Awards (the what?) last night.  This was taken, I’m assuming, before he totally fucking fell on stage.  To make up for that, he basically started grabbing his junk and forced everyone on stage to give him a violent blowy-j.  No, seriously.  I would have used that picture for this article, but because I have to keep this oh-so-safe for work, you can look at it here on the Superficial.  I really wonder how the conversation would go between parents and their children about this.  Probably a really realllllllllly fucked up version of the birds and the bees, except with more mention of doggy style, glitter and trannies.  Can you imagine what that kind of talk would do to a child?  You could end up a total monster!  (with less puss).

Posted By:  Markie

Source: The Superficial

Image:  Getty

...Cause we realllllllly don't want you to try and depict an accurate portrayal of the gay community.  We've already got one tranny who's claiming to be on our side and has a microphone.  Naturally the media has been using Adam Lambert and his glitter (his sweat) to make Americans who still live in Alabama in 1834 slightly more aware and tolerant of the gay community.  Apparently Ellen Degeneres wasn't catchy enough.  But he's waving his lee press-on at the camera with a little "nuh-uh girl".  US Reports:

But that's not quite the same thing as being a gay role model, he clarifies: "I don't want to be a gay poster child."  This, he explains, was the reason why he ignored speculation about his sexuality -- and refused to confirm anything -- during the American Idol competition in spring 2008.

Now I don't claim to be an expert (just a doctor) but I'm prettttttttty sure the reason you didn't confirm your sexuality is because it was AIRING ON FOX.  They would have pulled the plug and got you out of the running in a flash.  Yes Glee is on Fox but Glee doesn't have the same people that watch Anne Coulter voting for your fate.  Don't lie to us, honey, you're not fooling anyone.  Now get back there, walk down that runway and DON'T fuck it up.  And girl...you...betta....WORK!

Posted By:  Markie

Source:  USA Today/US

Image:  Aaron Settipane/TMZ

Oh balls! Noooo! Adam Lambert apparently has totes broken up with his ridicu-shit hot boyfriend, Drake Something. Apparently it was an amicable breakup, and didn’t end with “Lee Press On Nails” being removed and ppl being commanded to ‘hold mah weave!’ US Reports:

A source confirms to Usmagazine.com that the American Idol runner-up, 27, and the interior designer, 24, have ended their relationship. "They're still friends, and it's totally mutual," the source tells Us. "They will still talk and see each other." And there's very little drama behind the split, the pal says. It's all about timing -- and Lambert's on-the-launchpad career.

Really? Because I’m about 90% sure (and I base this off absolutely nothing) that the reason they broke up is that Adam’s tranny behavior has been overshadowing every aspect of their relationship.  I know many a Hot Tranny, but there are also other kinds. We have the Dumpster Tranny, the Bargain-Basement Tranny, the ‘Who the Fuck Do They Think They’re Kidding’ Tranny, & finally Joan Rivers. But I don’t think that Drake Whatever was prepared for the new breed of Tranny that Adam has been stewing up: The Glam Lisa Frank Unicorn Tranny. Hold onto your seats, ladies. They’re coming to a town near you!

Posted by: Markie

Source: US

Image: Getty Images for AMA

Okay...granted....I’m wasted. But seriously, what the hell was Adam Lambert thinking here? Is Adam Lambert amazetitties talented? Yes. Is he Dina-Lohan-batshit-crazy? Yes. Now I’m about 90% sure that Christian Siriano dubbed the term “tranny-hot-mess” and this is exactly what he was talking about. It’s like Snarf thing from Thundercats had a five-way with David Bowie in the Labyrinth, Amy Grant, The Darkness, and Culture Club. Now, I’m not pointing fingers here or anything, but there is a reason why we gays can’t get married or adopt children, and you’re looking at it. Can someone please explain to me why his publicist hates him so much and is encouraging this shit? Who is his publicist anyway? Wait a minute...Anne Coulter has been missing for a while. What has she been doing for a living lately? By George...TO THE BATCAVE! We’ve got a she-dude to take down...we must save Adam Lambert!

Posted by: Markie

Source: D-Listed

Image: Capitol